Can You Smell the Bullshit?

This time I'm talking about the race for the Calder Trophy, the award given to "the player selected as the most proficient in his first year of competition" in the league. Us mutts know it better as rookie of the year, in less refined terms.

This year it seems as though the MSM has already selected their winner, in feel good choice Steve Mason, goaltender for the suddenly significant Columbus Blue Jackets. The Jackets definetely have had a turnaround season, and are poised to make their first postseason appearance in the franchise's young history, and that, no doubt, is thanks largely to Mr. Mason.

My question is in the numbers that are seemingly similar to another rookie goaltender by the wonderfully delightful name of Pekka Rinne, goaltender for the Nashville Predators. In the seemingly unimportant wasteland of space between the East and West Coasts, these two keepers have chased their previous #1's out of the net, and secured the jobs themselves. As noted in Puck Daddy's earlier blog 'Pekka Rinne: Like Steve Mason, but without that pesky hype!' their stats are seemingly identical, while both of them making their irrevelevant teams revelant in terms of making the playoffs.

So where's all the hype for Pekka for Calder?

Is it racism?

Mason's apparently Canadian, Rinne's a Finn. You remember the last time those Scandinavians got all upitty, we had to stomp some 'Wegie ass. Fucking 'Wegie's.

The fanbase is starting to make some noise about it. Finally.

We all remember last year's awarding of the Hart to Alex Ovechkin, after leading the Caps to the playoffs in the closing days of the season, taking over the Southeast Division lead automatic berth. Everyone said leading up to the close of the season, that if Washington makes the post, then Ovechkin wins the Hart. And so he did.

So with that kind of reasoning, does that mean if Mason, well we won't says leads, but keeps the BJ's in postseason position, then he automatically wins the Calder? Right now, Columbus is sitting in the sixth spot with 86 points and six games remaining, followed by their unexpectedly competitive Central Division compatriots, the Predators, and the Blues(?, more on that another day)

But Pekka's Preds are right in the hunt too, sitting only two points back from the symbolic Union Army, so why isn't poor ol' Pekka getting a look too? Typically, this race only involves a goaltender twice a decade, with the last one being this show-stopping, jaw-dropper Andrew Raycroft in '03-'04. After that stoic career the company gets significantly better with Evgeni Nabokov in 2000-'01, Martin Brodeur in '93-'94, and my personal hero, Eddie Belfour in '90-'91.

Again, as Wyshynski points out that the rookie forwards aren't exactly "lighting the world on fire" with scoring, some of them have turned it on in the past few weeks. Some of them have gotten hot enough to turn this into more than a two (one) horse race.

Bobby Ryan has been firing the puck at will with 2 goals, and 8 shots in his last game against the lowly Avalanche. He leads all rookies in goals with 26, and points with 50, and only appearing in 58 games. He is tied for points with Kris Versteeg, who jumped out early in the Calder race, but slowed mid-season, and is now turning it back on again. Flying under the radar is Stars rookie forward James Neal, second in goals for rookies with 24. Blake Wheeler also got some credit for Boston's quick start this year, just as Patrick Berglund and T.J. Oshie are being held partially responsible for the Blues miraculous turnaround. Even Freshman flop Steven Stamkos has turned it on lately now that the pressure is off, now with 19 goals, now that we're not waiting for his first anymore.

On one hand, it is pretty amazing to lead a perennial doormat to the dance, on the other hand its not like he's the only one.

Hypothetically, lets just say both Columbus and Nashville make the post, and in the spots they're at right now, six and seven. That means Columbus faces Calgary, and Nashville takes on Detroit. Okay now let's just say Columbus goes down in six, and Nashville takes down the red giant in seven. Now Pekka's won a huge series against the mighty Red Wings, and Columbus goes down in the first round like everyone outside of Ohio figures. What then? Granted hypothetical, but not completely unreasonable, unless your a Red Wings fan. And then I don't even know why you're reading my blog.

I'm just saying, the race always changes as you get closer to the finish line. Make up your own mind on your flight to Vegas.

Must See Hock-ee, Edition Two

Interesting week, no? Met a nudist with multiple sclerosis from Pennsyltucky last night. No shit. And didn't I tell you to keep your eyes on the Islanders in Detroit?

Who woulda thunk it?

Okay, so right now Buffalo just gave up a two goal lead in the second, to go down three-two to Montreal. If Buffalo doesn't win this, their season is toast. If Montreal blows it, Carey Price will have looks on his face similar to the one's he had after Toronto's goals in last Saturday's game when Halak was in net.

So back to the schedule as it gets tighter and tighter...

Monday, March 30th
San Jose @ Calgary - Kipper and Nabby always makes for a good matchup, if indeed they both start.
New Jersey @ NY Rangers - Always fun. This rivalry could meet up in the post, once again.

Tuesday, March 31st
Nashville @ Columbus - Preds looking to hang on to the last berth, BJ's looking to fortify their position.
Ottawa @ Florida - Still on the outside looking in, there going to need it against a Senators team that has turned it on. For some reason.
Vancouver @ Minnesota - Vancouver is looking to overtake Calgary for #1 in the Northwest.
Anaheim @ Edmonton - Ducks will seek revenge after getting handed their ass, speaking of which, Roloson played his off.

Wednesday, April 1st
St. Louis @ Chicago - The Blues making the playoffs will be the ultimate April Fool's joke.

Thursday, April 2nd
NY Rangers @ Carolina - The storm is getting stronger.
Montreal @ NY Islanders - Isles stole one in OT the last time these two met.
St. Louis @ Detroit - Tough road trip to end the season for the Blues.
San Jose @ Edmonton - These two could be meeting in the first round.
Anaheim @ Vancouver - The Ducks are still attempting to claw their way in.

Friday, April 3rd
Buffalo @ Washington - I don't know if it will matter at this point.
Atlanta @ Florida - This one either.
Calgary @ Minnesota - Or this one. Only for the Flames to add some distance to the division lead.
Nashville @ Chicago - Every intra-Central Division matchup seems to be exciting now.

Saturday, April 4th
Big Saturday, 11 games in all. Only two won't matter, Phoenix @ LA, and Tampa @ the Isles. Sometimes when you win, you lose. And sometimes when you lose, you really win.
NY Rangers @ Boston - The usual weekend matinee.
New Jersey @ Buffalo - It should be a good game, but will it be?
Pittsburgh @ Carolina - This is a big test for the 'Canes to prove their worth.
Philadelphia @ Ottawa - Philly will want this one.
Montreal @ Toronto - Toronto will be playing the Habs hard.
St. Louis @ Dallas - The Blues will need any and every point they can get their hands on.
Columbus @ Nashville - See above referenced Central Division matchup.
Vancouver @ Edmonton - Oil Country will need to beat teams of this caliber to get to round two.
Anaheim @ San Jose - The Ducks will finish up a tough road trip in the tank.

Sunday, April 5th
Minnesota @ Detroit - Please keep the most boring team out of the postseason.
Pittsburgh @ Florida - Pathers, get your shit together.
Chicago @ Columbus - Do I really have to say it?
San Jose @ Anaheim - Home and home series, Ducks need it more than the Sharks.

May have to update daily from here on out.

Thought It Looked Like It Might Be Fun

Man, was I a dumb shit.

So the NHL end of the year Awards Show has relocated from the Hall in Toronto to the 'NeverNeverLand' known as Las Vegas. Well I figured, 'Hell, I'm in Southern California, only 3 hours away, could be fun to see these jokers at a schmoozfest.' So I asked my wife, made sure I secured a hall pass for the night, and the league posts up the information regarding the fabled gala last Tuesday...

$504.00

Yes, yes, for a measly $500 and four more dollars, you too can sit with the premier stars of the National Hockey League, and rub elbows with them as they get up to collect hardware you'll normally only get to look at through glass cases!

Five hundred and four fucking dollars.

In a recession? Are you fucking kidding me?

Do I get a blowjob from Ovechkin for that price? Or at least one from Shane Doan?

Well I guess Gary's going to give you the opportunity to receive fellatio from one of thesssssssse fine fellows. Because for that price, you'll get a VIP Nightlife Access pass at the Palms Casino Resort, where you can work your magic and drop your best lines on the finest men of the NHL. That is if these guys show up, after all, it is Vegas, and there are a shit-ton of better places to gack up lines of coke off hooker's titties.

Keep in mind, you'll still have to get raped in the ass by ticketmaster for all their "convenience" charges, not to mention book a room, unless you plan to sleep in a dumpster for the night. And considering the town, those are probably all booked up too.

Fuck it dude, let's go bowling.

Must See Hock-ey

Anywhere from 8 to 11 games remaining for every team around the league. Yes, yes folks, its time for the stretch run heat-up in the race to the postseason pole. These will be the games to watch for this week...

Monday, March 23rd
Carolina @ Florida - Who thought Southeast Division games could be interesting? Well it usually gets interesting at this time of year because two teams are battling for first of the worst for the guaranteed 3rd slot in the Conference. But this year the SE needed not this rule, as Washington kept their head well above water securing their spot with points above the four spot for the majority of the year. But back to the game at hand, Carolina has had a resurgence since BFF Erik Cole hooked back up with Eric Staal, and goaltending has been more consistent from Cam Ward. Florida is fighting for their playoff, (franchise?) lives and looked to have it well in hand a few weeks ago. Now they are one point out of eighth, hoping to capitalize on Montreal's Centennial collapse.

- Calgary will also be looking to test their mettle against the Wings, as will the Flyers against the Devils.

Tuesday, March 24th
Anaheim @ Nashville - Anaheim has somehow found a way to string three together, and now look to be challenging for a spot. A week ago, they looked as if they were doing the proverbial flop, and are now a point back from Nashville for the eighth and final spot. Nashville has been very strong since the break, and quietly crept into the playoff picture.

- Also to note, every game against Detroit seems important. Edmonton will face them at Rexall, while the Thrashers will also go Nord of da border to heap more shame on the mess that is the Canadiens.

Wednesday, March 25th
San Jose @ Chicago - The Sharks are still trying to re-gain their composure as the Hawks have looked ordinary at best for the last week or so. A win at the United Center would be a huge confidence boost for either team, and not a first round flunkie.

- And Florida @ Buffalo, every remaining game for the Cats is important. Buffalo, still has a shot? (Read like, "I'm Ron Burgundy?")

Thursday, March 26th
Florida @ Philadelphia - Panthers have to show they can play with playoff bound teams.
Calgary @ Columbus - First round matchup, perhaps?
Tampa @ Montreal - Off with their heads if they blow this one. Vinny at the Bell. Dreamy.
San Jose @ Nashville - Another potential first round date?
Vancouver @ St. Louis - Believe it or not, as of this moment the Blues are two points out.

Friday, March 27th
NY Islanders @ Detroit - I'm kidding, relax.
Edmonton @ Anaheim - Who wants to make the playoffs? Who? Who does?

Saturday, March 28th
NY Rangers @ Pittsburgh - Self-explanatory.
Buffalo @ Montreal - If the Slugs can't make it to the dance, they can at least be a spoiler.
Columbus @ St. Louis - The 1st of a home and home weekend, betting both will be battles.

Sunday, March 29th
Nashville @ Detroit - I'm getting tired of this. No I'm not. Potential 1st round.
St. Louis @ Columbus - Part Two.
Vancouver @ Chicago - A first round 4 and 5 seed matchup, nice.
Boston @ Philadelphia - Does either team have what it takes?

I'll follow up week by week as conditions change, and gets meaner.

Lots of Ideas, But No Good Ones

Lots of hockey thoughts to ramble over, but I think I'll save them for the offseason, when there ain't shit to write about. One thing that's been crawlin' around in the ol' noggin, and I'm sure I'll take some heat for this, is Marty Brodeur. Who gives a shit?!

Don't get me wrong, breaking the career wins is huge, and Brodeur is an awesome goaltender, no question. Maybe the best ever. But why does it feel like we gave up one asshole for another?

Patrick Roy was another great goaltender. He was also a prick. I'll never forget all his soap opera drama and tempertantrums, not to mention the biggest whamburger and french cries, when he up and quit the Montreal Canadiens in the middle of a game, after giving up nine goals on 26 shots in less than two periods. Even as a kid I could tell this guy was of shallow character, and a shitty human. But nonetheless, after his demand to be traded to a Cup contender, he won another two in Colorado, which does say something.

But Marteen's had his share of daytime TV limelight as Bangin Panger so eloquently elaborates, Not like Scott Gomez on 'One Life to Live,' but we can't all be that sexy. And we've all known he'd be breaking these records sooner or later. In fact, it seems like we've been celebrating it for years, and that's why I think I've had enough. Not to mention, the cutting of the net, that was a little too much for me, (about 3:18 in, if you can take all the Chico Resch cocksucking). Has March Madness caught up with Marty? I know, I know, if I had broke that record, I'd be cutting the net too. Or maybe I'd just take the whole fucking thing, iron and all, make it easy on myself, since after all, I had just won 553 games.

And oh they'll be more of these tedious celebrations, the shutout record, his wife receiving his annual alimony check, and the like. And we'll get even more, and more tired of Brodeur and his "records."

Alfred O. Newman

Alexander Ovechkin

OR

Alfred E. Newman

Sure the ears aren't as elephantine, but I can't believe no one's made this connection.

Tussled hair, missing tooth, dopey expression. C'mon, he's a dead ringer.

The Joke is still on you...

Olli Jokinen

Baby Orangutan

Coincidence?

Seperation at birth?

Nah, just one ugly MF'er.