Man, was I a dumb shit.
So the NHL end of the year Awards Show has relocated from the Hall in Toronto to the 'NeverNeverLand' known as Las Vegas. Well I figured, 'Hell, I'm in Southern California, only 3 hours away, could be fun to see these jokers at a schmoozfest.' So I asked my wife, made sure I secured a hall pass for the night, and the league posts up the information regarding the fabled gala last Tuesday...
Yes, yes, for a measly $500 and four more dollars, you too can sit with the premier stars of the National Hockey League, and rub elbows with them as they get up to collect hardware you'll normally only get to look at through glass cases!
Five hundred and four fucking dollars.
In a recession? Are you fucking kidding me?
Do I get a blowjob from Ovechkin for that price? Or at least one from Shane Doan?
Well I guess Gary's going to give you the opportunity to receive fellatio from one of thesssssssse fine fellows. Because for that price, you'll get a VIP Nightlife Access pass at the Palms Casino Resort, where you can work your magic and drop your best lines on the finest men of the NHL. That is if these guys show up, after all, it is Vegas, and there are a shit-ton of better places to gack up lines of coke off hooker's titties.
Keep in mind, you'll still have to get raped in the ass by ticketmaster for all their "convenience" charges, not to mention book a room, unless you plan to sleep in a dumpster for the night. And considering the town, those are probably all booked up too.
Fuck it dude, let's go bowling.