Saturday, November 21, 2009

A Movie Review? On This Blog?

This week I subjected myself to the tragedy that is 'The Love Guru,' (I know only a little over a year late, I held out as long as I could). I figured it was somewhat a hockey movie and therefore I'd have to watch it at some point and time, and don't even think of lying to me, (or yourself), that you don't see every single movie that has some inkling of hockey in it. From every shitty sequal of 'The Mighty Ducks' and 'Slapshot' to pieces of crap like 'Hockey Mom' and 'Airborne.'

For this masochist act, I settled in to my favorite ass dent of the couch, poured myself a picture perfect pint of Molson Canadian, (I think I'm the only guy in Southern California who drinks that heavenly nectar), and popped an artery clogging bag of corn.

I knew full well that the movie would suck, but I figured being hockey themed I might get some minute form of enjoyment out of it. Basically, it was a forum for the unused jokes of sex, dick, and fart jokes from the 'Austin Powers' movies. But the thing that surprised me most was Mike Myers' grasp of the hockey world in writing the movie.

Granted he grew up right in Scarborough, neck deep in Maple Leaf territory, but it was his use of the NHL and its traditions that kept a hockey fan like me chuckling quietly under my breath.
Playing off the sad saga that is Toronto Maple Leafs hockey, with the "Bullard curse," and the dozens of Cup-less years that plagues the faithful was funny to every non-Leaf fan, (and I'm sure a few T dots as well). Using the Hockey Night in Canada presentation with announcers Jay Kell (Stephen Colbert) and Trent Leuders (Jim Gaffigan) and their banter back and forth might have been the best scenes. And of course antagonist Jacques 'Le Coq' Grande (Justin Timberlake) as the French-Canadian goalie nemesis with his namesake third leg and love for Celine Dion had his moments as well.
But it all played off of Darren Roanoke, (Romany Malco) our hero as an African American hockey player in its passive aggressive attempt to callout the typical demographic of the game. I've seen enough 'Hockey is for Everyone' commercials for a lifetime, and in the League's "lets-grab-all-of-the-colored-hockey-players-we-have-and-shoot-a-commercial-to-expand-our-audience-and-sprinkle-a-few-white-players-in-so-no-one-figures-it-out" lousy marketing campaign, is just a little too phony to me, and painfully obvious. The final blow was Kanye West celebrating with Mike Myers in the stands as he screams 'I love hockey!' in his best caucasian accent.
After having watched it I feel like an 'ass-hole-face-man!'

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