Thursday, June 18, 2009

The Long and the Short of Playoff Picks

'Hello Boys and Girls, this is your old pal Stinky Wizzelteets,'

Instead of apologizing to all seven of you for my delinquency, and whining my way out with carefully crafted excuse after excuse, I figured I'd just jump right back in and talk about my shortcomings in picking playoff winners.

Should be humbling enough, no?

Well if you cared to read my original post and painstakingly beautiful AutoCAD creation of a playoff tree, you would see that I went 6 for 8 in the first round. However, as there is no way to blind your eyes from the tops of the trees, you can see that it get miserable from there on out. I won't excuse myself from the San Jose pick since just about everyone but the wisest of the wise, the seer through the trees, could go on their previous infamous record of falling flat. The real blemish is picking Philadelphia over Pittsburgh in the first round, and then sending them to the conference finals. Last year I went against the grain and took Philly over the Caps in Round Two and it paid off. I desperately tried to recapture that instinctive pick and it backfired. Horribly.

The MSM and all of these "professional" sports analysts only pick one round at a time for two reasons I've discovered. With the re-seeding of teams after the first round, a whole tree can get screwed up just by missing one series, and therefore fucking up the matchups. And two, picking a round at a time makes it easier to cover up your mistakes, when it comes time to pick the next round. One makes sense, the other is a "cover-your-ass" tactic.

I will continue to select both ways, making a complete tree up front, and picking it round after round after I shit it up. Making a bracket reveals the true conviction of a hockey fan, allowing everyone to see their fuck ups.

Okay enough of that happy horseshit. Which is exactly what my next round smells like.

I took Pittsburgh in 7, Boston in 5 (shit), Anaheim in 6 (fuck), Vancouver in 7 (bitch). That's one for four, ain't that some stanky shit. I took Anaheim out of pure hatred for Detroit, and for the jackass reason of having Game 6 tickets. At least they forced a Game 7.

So now where am I at, 7 for 12. Fuck I might as well be a baseball fan, or just your average shithead on the street. They're both of equal intelligence. 'I'll teach your Grandmother to suck eggs.'

Conference Finals, I took Pittsburgh and Detroit. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Not really, I just didn't think Carolina or Chicago had a prayer against either of them.

Nine for fourteen, I guess I can still show my face around these parts.

For the enchilada, on a gut instinct, and probably more of that pure hatred for the Wings, I took Pittsburgh in seven. Whadaya know, it paid off. Crazy how the whole season comes down to one game, winner take all. And it was a helluva game at that. I thought it was the most exciting game of the year, but that might have had something to do with what was at stake.

Ten for fifteen overall. Moderately respectable, I guess.

Boston really let me down this year, as did the Sharks, but they let everyone down. I underestimated the Pens, and I let my hate for the red, cloud my judgement on the Wings.

Oh well, lots of shit to go over in the next few weeks, NHL awards, the Draft, Free Agency, and then the start of training camp, and we do it all over again.

Happy happy joy joy, happy happy joy.

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