Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Throwing Feces

Quality and content have been lacking, might as well hurl shit from my thumbless mit for my own amusement.

From the Land of 'Who Gives a Shit'
Nathan Horton shows emotion at the right time, just before the start of the playoff push. Oh what's that? The Panthers didn't make the postseason for the ninth consecutive season? And Horton got in a fight with the Assistant Coach? Broke his stick then left? Fucking baby. And he was trying to disrupt the drill the coach was running. Fucking brat.

Jamie Langenbrunner's got a bug up his ass, and no one can seem to figure out why. When asked about it by the friendly media he offered up 'no comment' like he was throwing confetti. Lemaire sat him on Saturday, saying he thought he needed the rest, and has now been demoted to duty with the "continuous effort" from Rob Niedermayer, and the aging set of bones known as Brian Rolston. Before that he got into a kerfuffle with Colin White, and then took off from the locker room before the media could interrogate him about it. Silver medals taste like shit don't they Jamie?

Have you ever heard a bigger bunch of assholes talking shit? You can smell it from here. School bus stop victim Larry Brooks, came out with two gems this week, one about his boys in blue, and the other about the crumbling Flyers. The first came from the genuine article of crap, Glen Sather, stating that he had a handshake agreement with Len Barrie for a trade Steven Stamkos for a slew of young Ranger talent. Lawton and Koules put the kibosh on that one, and it was never heard from again. He then goes on to talk about how Chris Pronger has divided the locker room in Philadelphia, and is a big problem as to why the Flyers are fighting for their playoff lives when they were expected to runaway with the Cup earlier this year. Pronger stirs shit up, and water is wet. (Asshole count on that piece = 6, you count 'em up)

Zdeno Chara broke his nose last night from an errand stick from master percussionist Alex Semin. Not that the Bruins are making a big fuss about it, but they've got bigger problems than a busted schnoz on a 6'-9" defenseman. Shut the fuck up, and start playing for the first time this season. Make it look like you actually belong in the playoffs. Speaking of which...

Talk About Limping In...
The bottom half of the Eastern Conference is an embarrassment to the League. And by bottom half I mean two-thirds. Talk about teams that don't give a shit if they make it or not... Montreal, Boston, and Philadelphia are retaining their rights to be first round doormats, and Atlanta and the New York Rangers aren't giving them much of a fight for that prize. Does anybody think these teams can challenge any of the division leaders for an upset? Shit, they're already talking about what they're planning in the offseason. Philly and Boston getting ready to remove key members of the roster, and Montreal set to move Price to... wait for it, Philadelphia? Just what that locker room needs, a chain-smoking 22-year old kid to fit in with the party atmosphere in Philadelphia. The next good idea is to bring him to Chicago for a limo ride after they receive an early exit pass for poor goaltending.

And the West isn't much better, with everyone sitting at home pissing themselves with the thought of playing Detroit. Now that's what I call gearing up for the postseason, talking about who you don't want to play. Personally I think Phoenix can give Detroit the ride of its life if the Wings can make it to the five spot. Where's the pressure for the Coyotes? They've already exceeded expectations, they've got nothing to lose, go out there and beat those old fuckers! Chicago's weak in the knees from the aforementioned shoddy goaltending, San Jose is, well, San Jose, and Vancouver has just about as much pressure as Team Canada heading into Vancouver. Who better than the underdog to see through the fall of Motor City?

At the lower half of the spectrum, Colorado has had an incredible year, but missing out on the postseason would be an incredible disappointment at this point. Not that Calgary is really challenging them all that much. On the other hand, the Flames would be in sixth if they played in the East. And you might actually be interested in a first round matchup of the Sharks and Avs or Flames, as opposed to the Caps and whoever sucks. Can we just skip the first round in the East, with the exception of the 4 vs. 5 seeds?
Either way, history will be made.


Matteau the Magic Wrap-Around said...

This just in: Larry Brooks is a dickhead. He also looks like a fish.

Nuuuuugs said...

Brooks is a dickhead. Prongers stirs up shit. The sky is blue. Water is wet.