Monday, February 22, 2010

Saving Bobby Ryan

Are you ready to hear some horrific shit? Bobby Ryan isn't Bobby Ryan, he's Bobby Stevenson, son of Robert Stevenson, the man who violently beat the shit out of his wife, (Bobby's mother) after a night of drinking when Bobby was 10 years old.

Bbbbut but but wait it gets worse...

Dear ol' Dad Stevenson suspected his wife was taking drugs, so stumbling home drunk, the amateur boxer, chased her out of their house, down the street and into a neighbor's house where he proceeded to smash in the door, and beat the holy hell out of her, breaking ribs, puncturing her lung, and fracturing her skull.

So did Bobby and his mother flee from this viciously violent man and change their names in an attempt to distance themself from this horrible attack?


She forgave him. And all three of them fled to Canada in an attempt to keep Daddy out of prison on counts of attempted murder and other assorted felonies. So they changed their last names to Ryan, after Robert, now Shane (Dad), came up with the brilliant pseudonym after watching 'Saving Private Ryan.'

But Dad always had little Bobby's best interests in mind, scouring the great white north for the best hockey programs at the Junior level, probably hoping to cash in on his son's natural gift for the game, so that the two of them 'could be partners, just like that Tiger Woods and his Daddy.' Except without that whole sex scandal thing.

But maybe not, I wouldn't put it past his father, so wholesome a fellow that he picked up professional gambling in order to provide for the family that somehow forgave him. So good a Dad that he even stopped by Blockbuster to rent movies for his family that night, probably 'Sleeping With the Enemy' or '8MM', swiping an old credit card to pay, and simultaneously inviting Federal Marshals into their home.

So justice is served right? Yeah right, he gets five years back in Jersey, pleading down to aggravated assault. Now he's got a steady job at Bobby Clarke's Gym. Yes, that Bobby Clarke.

"It probably makes absolutely no sense to 95% of the people," allowing for that 5% of the prison population that is out of their fucking minds. "I’m not saying that what happened was good. I’m saying what happened had positive changes for Bobby," positive in the sense that he's made it to the NHL regardless of the monster that I am, despite all those horrible emotional scars I've left on him.

"Does he have scars? Probably. But he’s a good kid. He’s honest. He’s forthright. He’s genuinely good to other people. He took the right path."

Christ this man has a lot of regret. Sounds like Marty Brodeur after losing to the Americans, (too soon?) Do you think he would take any responsibility if Bobby Ryan turned out to be the same asshole he is?

Here's the article that paints this man, as a regretful father who made a mistake. Just one mind you, and he's better now.


Spec7ral said...

Fucking Amazing.

Nuuuuugs said...

You're fucking amazing, you kidnap victim.