Monday, March 16, 2009

Fighting will Always be a Part of this Game

I'm sorry. Its true. If your panties are all knotted up by this statement, then good. You deserve it, and probably need therapy.

Okay, okay, I kinda get the elimination of the staged fights. Its pointless when the single pugilist from each team, drops the gloves, and pushes up the elbow pads, seconds into the opening faceoff. There's no reason for it, unless something happened in the last game, but still its meaningless. But the only reason these guys are on the team is to fight with the other team's fighter. These Shelleys', these Laraques', these Parros', these Brashears', these Ivanans', these Artyukhins'. Who?! Art-what? Artyukhin. Evgeny Artyukhin.

Once again, lets be honest with ourselves, these guys are not out on the ice for their scoring ability, or saavy playmaking. They are known for pounding their fist into other people's breastneckchestandhead.

Personally, I get more enjoyment out of the fights that don't involve the team's enforcers. There's more passion in them, more hatred. Real venom between two humans, who don't look at fighting as part of their, or only, role on the ice. Not to mention the hilarity of a non-fighter's fighting ability. Or being pleasantly surprised when someone answers the bell and whoops some ass.

And I get the argument about visors, and guys cutting their soft, pink hands when throwing rights to the orbital bone. Hell, I remember when a young Ruskie by the name of Vladimir Malakhov gladly removed his helmet, with visor, from his square head in order to play the bongos. In Mother Russia, the bongos play YOU! (See above link.)

Why can't these French Canadians detach their melon-guards before they start their tango?

Oh, oh, then that runs into another argument, guys fighting without helmets, getting taken down, and Sanderson-ing. (Too soon?) Don, I'm sorry. Its shitty what happened to you. Real shitty. But next to going out with a bang, I can't think of a better way to go than on the rink. Granted, you don't want to eat it at 21, but at least you get all those virgins. What's this you say? Jihad is only applicable in the name of religion? Well hockey IS religion in Canada.

Bottom line, accidents happen. There isn't shit that we can do about it. What, are we going to remove sharpened skates from the game? Are we going to hire people to clear snow from player's driveways? Well, yeah, I guess we can do that. Dumb shit.

Hockey players are big, sweaty men skating around with weapons in their hands. Shit's gonna happen. Be glad that all that happens, is that they crack some heads.

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