The Stench of Desperation

There's a certain whaft of stink, whine, and complaint from the 'homeless' players collective. An odor that was strong enough to get whoever runs that sham of an organization known at the NHL Players' Association to carry out their first order of business since Paul Kelly was dismissed.

As we get closer to the end of the term for the current Collective Bargaining Agreement, we see just how dramatic "cost certainty" influences cap spending and the free agent marketplace. Plenty of players with multiple years of NHL experience are sitting by the phone, chewing their fingernails in anticipation of a call from their agent with a job offer from any team (exception: Edmonton Oilers, New York Islanders), and not some pain-in-the-ass reporter asking why they haven't signed a deal yet.

Not too long ago, more than a few of these guys would have been picked up on name alone, given their willingness to play another year and the bottomless pockets of team ownership. Now, veterans, middling bottom six forwards, and third pair defensemen alike are without someone dumb enough to pay them for their "storied history" and mediocre stats. Its a little surprising to see it all shake out, based on everyone's individual perceived value of a player's worth which has been skewed by the salaries we've seen in past years.

But now they've been humbled, and they asked the powerful NHLPA to post this propaganda (i.e. eHarmony profile) to generate interest and let all 28 ("No thank you Mr. Snow/Tambellini, I've already signed with a club in Liechtenstein") General Managers know that they're still alive.

The air of desperation is thick.

Seriously, Enough is Enough

Drop the fucking puck already. I'm so sick of reading about this kind of shit. Or this pile of crap that waits outside my door each morning. Just fucking go already, we're all done with you.

Can you tell I'm pissed? Maybe it's 'cause I'm at work on my day off. But maybe I should shut my dirty mouth and be thankful I still have a fucking job. A job that's not covering the bills, especially for Center Ice packages and XM subscriptions for NHL Home Ice. So the end of an era may be coming folks, this could very well be my 'Swan Song.' Either that or it'll force me further into the depths of the hockey blogosphere, and I'll be writing as frequently as I shit. So without further ado, let's try and shoot for 30...

1. The Abritrator's decision on Kovalchuk's ludacris deal has opened the door to the review of other suspicious long-term deals including, but not limited to, Pronger, Hossa, Luongo and Savard. The League has a period of time after registering the deal that allows them to begin a review of the deal, which is supposedly what they've been doing since these deals were filed which keeps the door open. I'll buy that as a legal loophole for the Pronger, Luongo, and Savard deals which are extensions that don't kick in until the start of this season, (which I guess is technically July 1st), but not for Hossa's deal who's already a year and a championship into it.

2. Speaking of reviewed deals, the MSM has painted a picture that Vancouver and Boston would be very open to the possibility of reneg'ing the Luongo and Savard deals, after second round disappointments and that whole concussion thing. The two franchises are "cooperating" with League officials into the review of the contracts. My thought is you don't offer multi-year deals like that without expecting down years somewhere in that time frame, and you sure as shit don't change your mind on a decision like that the year after you offer it. I think Gillis is committed to Luongo (obviously with a 12year deal) but I'm not so sure about Chiarelli and his questionable moves considering the distance they've put between themselves and Savard, and their concern about the lack of distance between Savard's skull and his brain.

3. In true Philadelphia fashion, Holmgren isn't having any part of that League review nonsense. That, and they actually want to keep Pronger.


4. Good on Mike Van Ryn for plowing the shit of a career ended early to join an OHL junior team as an assistant coach for the defense. Van Ryn was issued a shitty skeleton by birthright that prevented him from continuing as a pro, and decided to call it a day and join the coaching ranks. Van Ryn took a lot of shit from the Leaf faithful for being on the payroll without actually playing due to injury, here's to a healthy, and successful run as a coach.


5. Adam Burish on the Stars has some muted down connection to Sean Avery being there and subsequently shipped out, and back to the Rangers. Burish has been known to run his mouth, but not to the extent and spotlight grabbing that attention-whore Avery does.

6. Is this the first time in NHL history where a Stanley Cup winning goaltender may end up out of the League the following season? (Lockout years excluded.) As the start of the season draws closer I see that being more and more of a possibility. That is until a Flyers goaltender goes down to injury.


7. Speaking of the Blackhawks and the non-existent possibility that Niemi returns to Chicago, has anyone actually looked at last season's and this upcoming season's roster? Byfuglien, Sopel, Eager in Thrasher jerseys, Burish to Dallas, Versteeg to Tdot, Madden to Minnesota, I'm sure I'm forgetting some. So its Toews, Kane, Hossa, Sharp, Bolland, Brower, Kopecky, Keith, Seabrook, Campbell and Hjalmarsson. Oh and some old guy name Turco in net. Goddamn, they're still scary deep.


8. Then of course there is the whole pesky Huet, $5.625million for the next two years thingy.


9. Getzlaf's the new captain of the Ducks, right? Who else would it be, Paul Kariya?


10. Frolov to the Rangers makes a whole lot of sense for all the wrong reasons, doesn't it? I'm looking at you Glen Sather.


11. But Torts is psyched about it. That is until he turns him into a whipping boy.


12. No mention of how much Tortorella liked Sather's outright robbery of that saavy contract to Boogaard. And I don't think its coming in part two either.


13. The Isles on the other hand, are holding open tryouts to see what remaining free agents will take contracts at a quarter of what they are worth. Their prices are insane!


14. Seriously, these teams that spend barely enough to make the Cap floor, and who no self-respecting free agent wants to play for, when will it be time to just fold up shop instead of giving fans no sense of hope right from the start of the season? I know there are good years and bad years, but when no one wants to play for a team isn't that a sign that something's seriously wrong?


15. Sami Salo's horrific injury while playing some sick version of ball hockey is a little ridiculous if not outright unbelievable. The problem is that it puts the Canucks in as awkward a position as a Ben Stiller movie with a plethora of defenseman signed, while at the same time shelving the trade talk to move Kevin Bieksa and clear some salary. If not spots on the defense.


16. Matt Reitz over at Hockey from the Cheap Seats had a great post about how Gillis adding two puck moving defenseman (Hamhuis and Ballard) to join the one he already had (Erhoff) does nothing to solve the problem of power forwards camping out in front of Luongo. The way Hamhuis shunned all of his suitors (Philadelphia and Pittsburgh) to come to Vancouver made a lot more sense than trading Grabner away to get Ballard as well. Mitchell is still unsigned but cleared to play, and the intention is (was) to move Bieksa. Those are your grit/shutdown guys right there. Instead GM MG is building his defense like he did his offense with speed and a quick, puck possession offense. Sound like another team you know from the East?


17. I'm actually pretty surprised that no one has pulled the trigger on Willie Mitchell as of yet. The internal scouting reports must not read as well as the health clearance. Either that, or he's expecting more than he should after a half season with no playoffs on a team that desperately needed him in the post.


18. Bob Probert was working on a memoir of his life as a tough guy at the rink that his family has decided to go ahead and publish. Its called 'Tough Guy.' Not all people who work with their hands are creative individuals folks.


19. The Panthers have gone Shatner using the Priceline "Negotiator" system to name your own price for tickets to a game. Casual hockey fans love shit like this, but what about the season ticket holders who are shelling out top dollar for their seats, and have been for years in order to get the deal and the seats they want and deserve?


20. Foppa is doing the Favre. Just when you thought the Kovalchuk ordeal was sickening.


21. By the way, what kind of 'Mickey Mouse' operation is the NHLPA that agreed to select Bloch as the arbitrator, a man who worked for the NFL and was dismissed for being biased towards the League, and then sat idly by as they voided Kovy's contract?


22. Speaking of the NHLPA, ever thought about interviewing over there?


23. Any reason to suspect Kaberle actually being moved? No, none.


24. How does this shit happen in this day and age? The Capitals weren't even through the first round, do you need that much time to schedule an engraving?


25. Restricted Free Agents yet unsigned... Bobby Ryan, Carey Price, Marc Staal, and James Neal.


26. Someone tossed out the idea of throwing a long-term deal at Ryan with of course the cap circumventing cap hit in order to get his ass signed for longer than when the Getzlaf and Perry deals expire. It wasn't a bad one, that was of course until the League announced that they were looking at all long-term deals signed within the last decade or so.


27. We love walkinvisible, especially when she takes the NHL marketing/merchandising department to task. And rightfully so.


28. By the way, we're also Puck Daddy fanboys too. Just in case you didn't notice.


29. One last thing on the "Great Rejection"... Any reason why the League didn't put a stop to these long-term deals when they allowed the abomination of the Dipietro deal to occur? Between that and the Yashin deal, do you think those two alone could stand as the reasons to sink that once-proud franchise for good?

30. Could the Flames Heritage Classic jersey be any more hideous than the Habs jersey is boring? Especially after all those crazy jerseys we got to enjoy all two centennial season long.


I did it. How fitting is that? On what could be my last post, I finally hit the mark that Elliotte hits week after week. I applaud you sir. I applaud all of you. Thanks for reading.

I'm 30, But I Don't Have That Many Thoughts

I don't know what to tell you... I'm slowing down, I forget things, I don't come up with as many things to forget, I'm thinking about my health. Age has hit me like a ton of bricks and I only turned 30!

The lack of posts has been embarassing and I deeply apologize to my legions of readers. All twelve of you. I've been tied up with all those things that end up in life's shopping cart as you hit middle age, marriage, kids, buying homes, buying small, fast cars to match up with your phallic size and shortcomings. I'd like to blame it all on an extreme consumption of booze but alas, my wife has curbed that as well. These are not thoughts, this is my life... you want to get on with the thoughts, okay, but thinking about what your team did in the offseason is just as depressing as whatever we were just talking about.


1. Please, step away from the Kovalchuk

Its not bad enough that this guy is completely worthless in his own end, its that he has the nuts to ask for an unholy amount of cash in order to feed his kids. And teams are bending over in order to entice him into putting it into their ass. I hope he drags his greedy ass back to the KHL, his inflated salary sinks the League, the poor of the country become enraged and take down the political structure, falling back into communism, just so that boyish Ilya is left broke and penniless, and responsible for the collapse of his homeland. That would be justice for all of us having nothing else to read but this retarded Russian soap opera.


2. St. Petersburg is Not Ust-kamenogorsk

No matter how bad you want it to be. Evgeni Nabokov has headed to SKA St. Petersburg of the KHL instead of taking an amount of money he's actually worth. Think I'm picking on these money-hungry Russians too much? Well, stop. Nabokov's actually from Kazakhstan. If obtaining the almighty dollar is more important than lifting the silver chalice than I don't want these fucks in my League anyway.


3. The Balance of Mediocrity is Shifting

Oh my friends from Calgary, I feel for you, I really do. Not only has the Daz Dismissal Counter gone Dodo, but now he's pulling reclamation projects out of his own 'Discard' pile. Bringing back Alex Tanguay to the Flames is strange but not entirely unexplainable given that he did have some chemistry with Iginla way back when, despite the large-looming fact that his best days are behind him, (that was meant for Tanguay, but sadly it applies to 'Romie as well.) But the move that made even the creepy Pierre McGuire speechless is bringing back Jokinen for only slightly less money. The ape was thought to be limiting his talent in Florida, and was stuck into a new laboratory in Phoenix. When that produced minimal results, he was dealt to Calgary with the Sutter braintrust hoping to have finally found a centerman for Iggy. Less than mediocre results prompted Darryl to deal him to the Rangers at the deadline for Higgins (now gone) and the puzzling Kotalik (now waived). Supposedly Daz admitted to "the Joke" that he never should have traded him, the primate grunted and nodded in agreement. If the roster swapping with Burke and the Leafs wasn't enough to send you to the ends of the Saddle, then this move has surely sent you over the edge.


4. Bettman's Salary

The guy with a name fit for Nascar, Tripp Mickle from the Sports Business Journal dug up some crotch-kicking financial info for the League brass. Apparently, the little man from Queens rakes in about $7.2 million for being combative and argumentative with anyone who attempts to question his methods. Daly earns just south of $2 mil, and Collie makes less than a $1.5mil, and do more damage control than the boss. Its not bad enough that everyone hates this guy, but that he's overpaid to be hated? Sometimes I wonder if anyone in that position would be hated, or if its just that this smirking, shitty little troll makes it easier to hate him.


5. Dropping the Hammer

Four years for $14 million, approximately $3.5mil/year. Not too shabby for a young defenseman who shined alongside Olympic defensemen Keith and Seabrook. I would say its probably a $1mil to a $1.5mil too high but that's the point or the screws that Doug Wilson was trying to put to Stan Bowman and the Hawks. But Hjalmarsson played to the spotlight and was bound to get a few bites in the open market.


6. My Ass Restricted

Is this gentleman's agreement ever going to go? I am amazed that more of these are not handed out by ruthless GM's looking to fuck a competitor over. I don't think I'm fully understanding the "penalty" an offering team suffers with regards to draft picks when a RFA accepts and the former team doesn't match.


7. Sweet Release

The word is that all teams are basically holding until Kovalchuk signs or Kaberle gets dealt. I don't really understand this other than the fact that it has an impact on market value. But its not like 30 teams are in the mix for Kovy, the smart ones are staying out of it, and those desperate are decorating their anus with sprinkles. Burke is going to perpetually dangle Kaberle until he feels he's legally getting away with robbery. I get the feeling that Tomas is severly overvalued and if he was to be dealt that you would see a similar situation as Bouwmeester in Calgary for the team that lands him.

8. Lots of Fish in the Sea

There's a ridiculous amount of free agents available. We could see a second opening day of free agency once the previously mentioned above mess gets sorted out. I'm not going to do the math, but I think there's more guys unsigned than there were signed after July 1st.

9. Back to Bouw

I get that feeling that Bouwmeester might have a bounce back season this year. But that still won't make Daz look like a genius. Or even competent.


10. No Mo'?

Its funny how some teams respect the aging legends on their team, (see: Anaheim Ducks, Teemu Selanne, Scott Niedermayer), and other teams tell their legends that they're done, (see: Dallas Stars, Mike Modano). Ironic how the Ducks are one of the teams offering Mikey another year. The Wings don't have the space to pay him a respectable amount, while Minnesota doesn't offer anything remotely close to a shot at the Cup. San Jose would take on another aging vet but of course it would be under Wilson's hard line. Modano first stated that if he went anywhere it'd be somewhere in the Pacific Division before Ken Holland came calling.


11. No Love for Frolov

Talk about somebody really waiting to see where the Kovalchuk stack of chips fall. He's been patient but its hard to tell if he'll be the next winger sought after "the decision" is made, or if GM's are staying away from yet another enigma. Frolov's going to chip a few in but never be a breakout or game changing player, he's just not. I don't think his salary demands are going to match up with the assessment, and he'll be off to the KHL.


12. Its a Brave New World

Its amazing to see how the offseason game has changed with the nuances of the collective bargaining agreement and the development of the Kontinental Hockey League. I mentioned before there are hordes of legitimate free agents available, and now with the KHL as a semi-legitimate alternative, bonafide NHL players who are more interested in collecting paychecks than a place in history are heading to the other side of the pond.


13. Dude, Where's My Locker?

Its become pretty apparent now that the Bruins are attempting to distance themselves from Marc Savard and his slightly shifted sponge. I still think his value is high, and its surprising to think that Chiarelli can't find a suitor for his playmaking. But the push to move him is a need to free up cash and reduce the glut at center.

14. At Least He Got Seguin

Or maybe its just that other GM's don't want to deal with Chiarelli considering the way he's handled Savard and Thomas and issued them large multi-year contract extensions.


15. ReKhab

There's a chance that Nikolai Khabibulin could face 30 days in jail or be in Phoenix for court when the season opens or at the very least when training camp opens this season. Khabby was nailed for extreme DUI and speeding while nursing that injured back of his. Say it with me, "Speed." "80." That opens the door for the Oilers to get out of that $3.75mil per until 2013 that's hurting their back. Then again, Khabibulin might be the best player on that roster.


16. Training Your New Boss

In a situation that's not all that different from mine at the workplace, Darryl Sutter may have very well found his replacement for the Calgary GM position. Jay Feaster, the enemy from the '04 finals was just hired as assistant GM to Daz in Cowtown. Apparently, the man who may be headed for a straightjacket contacted Feaster and brought him in to meet Ken King for an interview. So after dropping three members of the Flames brass, Feaster was hired to help clean up the mess that the Dazman has made. I guess this could be seen as an improvement for the Flames faithful, but then again I know how certain members of that congregation feel about Feaster. And not because of that Game 6 no goal.


17. Remove Your Gloves

A moment of silence for maybe the greatest pugilist to ever play in the NHL, Bob Probert.

30 Thoughts, or Less

Welcome to the mockery of a thieved idea that I happen to think is great. Check that. Reverse it. I love Elliotte Friedmann's 30 Thoughts, so much so that I decided to steal the idea, and half-ass it, as I passionately love to do. So without any knowledge or any of that fancy insider information I bring you... 30 Thoughts, or Less.

1. Not as Dumb as He Looks
Despite how well he photographs, Wilson has signed Marleau and kicked Nabokov to the curb. He's obviously voiced his displeasure about St. Pat before, but when it came down to brass tacks, he told Nabokov, "No thanks, we're full," when it came to his playoff failures. Marleau is a cornerstone, as he has been for the Sharks since they drafted him behind Joe Thornton. Nabokov is yet another Russian goalie who has imploded when it counted.

2. Jumbo Next?
I would not be surprised to a) see the Sharks pass on re-signing Thornton, or b) begin shopping him in the middle of the season when his value's high dishing passes to Heatley and Marleau. Then again, there's always that postseason thing that the Sharks hold out hope for.


3. One More Thing
They re-signed RFA Pavelski after his epic postseason. They did not do that for Setoguchi, who was not epic, or postseason. Like the Sharks.


4. Chanelling the Boom
Nashville is billing Blake Geoffrion as the second coming of Boom Boom. Maybe he should talk to Stamkos about the pressure a franchise puts on you when you become the basket they hold all their eggs with.


5. You Got Hart?
The awards pretty much fell the way everyone expected them to with the exception being the Hart that went to Hank Sedin. Sedin won the Art Ross in a ridiculous 4point final game in the regular season, but had stiff competition from fan favorites Crosby and Ovechkin. Lots of grumbling today about it all, I think Crosby probably earned it out of those three, but I'm glad to see Hank win it. Bryzgalov would have been my next choice, but he didn't win the Vezina so how can he win the Hart, and then you have that debate.


6. The Job Hunter
Last year's Vezina winner might be looking for a change of address after the Bruins gave his agent permission to speak with other teams about a trade. Rask has inherited the job after playing a little less than half the regular season, and a pretty solid postseason. He just signed a four year deal last season with about $5mil per and a no move clause.


7. Roaming Goalies
Lots of movement this offseason when it comes to goaltenders, and after the postseason's saw back-ups and rookies battle their way to the Cup, teams are re-thinking the term "money goaltending." Halak instead of Price, Nabokov's out of San Jose, Turco's been out of Dallas since March, who knows what the hell they're going to do in Philadelphia.


8. Do You Feel That Cold Air?
This draft certainly doesn't have the buildup that last year had. It seems obvious that Hall's going #1, and Seguin's going #2, and after that nobody seems to care. With it being in LA this would have been the first opportunity I've had to attend, but sadly real life beckons. Boo fucking hoo, how exciting could a draft be anyway?


9. Anyone Want to Overpay?
With Marleau signed, Ilya Kovalchuk becomes the only option for teams seeking an offensive dynamo. Marleau offered skill on both sides of the rink, Kovalchuk can skate loops just inside the blueline, but that's about as far as he'll venture in. Los Angeles seems to be in the market for one of those defensive zone buzzing flies.


10. Adding Validity
How much more respectable do the Florida franchises look after adding General Managers with good hockey reputations?


11. Two Approaches
But the differences between Tallon and Yzerman are night and day. Yzerman's going to take the slow, measured approach to team architecture, while Tallon's building it like a contractor, "get it done quick." Although most contractors will build as cheap as they can and that's not necessarily Tallon's style (see: deconstruction of a winner in Chicago).


12. How Many Licks Does it Take?
How much would it suck to win a Stanley Cup and then get traded two weeks later. To Atlanta (or Edmonton). I'm not sure which part is worse.

13. Think of the Children
Todd Bertuzzi has agreed to a two-year, $3.875 million deal with the Detroit Red Wings. “It’s just a really good fit for me,” the forward said. “My kids were so pumped when they found out we’re going back for two more years—now my son gets to stay in his hockey program, and they get to go back to the same schools.” Bertuzzi's got kids?!?! Somebody save them!

That was 13 and I'm left feeling impotent. That's a natural feeling for me. Enjoy the draft, and looking forward to July 1st.

Trading Places

Seems I can't keep up with the slow pace of the offseason.

Trades from latest to earliest...

Byfuglien/Eager/Sopel and prospect Akim Aliu to Atlanta
---> Reasoner/Morin, 2010 1st round (24th overall) and 2nd rounder (54th overall) to Chicago


Can somebody please just start boxing up this Thrashers franchise or at the very least get someone down there with some hockey knowledge and some kind of grasp of today's game? Between Waddell and Dudley they have run this ship aground with the engines still at full. Tell me, what does Sopel or Eager offer to the Thrashers? An "experienced" defenseman with the wheels falling off, and a checking line knuckle dragger. That's what that roster needed, not an infusion of some young talent. And to top it off, I just about guarantee that Byfuglien gets shipped elsewhere before the year is over. His value shines in the postseason not the regular season, and the Thrash don't do the postseason so good. Morin is supposed to be bad ass too.

Horton/Campbell to Boston
--> Wideman, 2010 1st round (15th overall) and 2011 3rd rounder to Florida

Horton, the man notorious for stupid faces, wanted out of Florida (Who doesn't?) and that's been pretty clear since about January. Wideman was nearly beaten out of Beantown until he got his shit together in the postseason. Their salaries are just about a wash at around $4mil., and they both get that "fresh start" that we all masterbate to. The Bruins get some leverage on the Wheel of Discipline with Campbell and already have the number two pick or Tyler Seguin from Toronto. Tallon on the other hand has collected a fifth pick in the first 50 of this year's draft, the third overall, the new fifteenth, plus three more in the second round. He's already done more than Jacques Martin ever did.

Arnott back to Jersey
---> Halischuk and 2011 2nd rounder

Nashville's captain just waived his no-trade clause to return to the Devils for a promising prospect and a pick. What else is on TV?

The rights to Hamhuis and a conditional 2011 pick to Philadelphia
---> Parent heads back to Nashville

This deal strikes me as lopsided in favor of the Flyers. Wasn't Hamhuis one of the most sought after defenseman at the deadline by playoff teams looking for a mover at the back end? I know the Preds desperately wanted to get Parent back, but I didn't think they were willing to give up Hamhuis and toss in a draft pick for good measure. Then again I guess if its an eighth rounder it really doesn't mean shit anyway. Late word is that Holmgren and Hamhuis are far apart on getting a deal done.

Halak to St. Louis
---> Promising prospect Eller and so/so prospect Schultz to Montreal


'Should we go with the humble guy out of Slovakia that we drafted in the umpteenth round in '03 and killed it for us in the post this year, or the overindulgent dumbass that we put all our faith in with our first round selection in '05 and didn't do shit for us except open the bench door?'

'Uh, let's go with Plan B.'

I know this decision wasn't Pierre Gauthier's alone, but this has to prove that this guy does not belong in a GM's seat. Its got to be pride that the Habs braintrust didn't want to have to swallow and admit that they were wrong about Price, and instead put their pressurized hopes in him when he sure as shit didn't earn it. Unless its cash, and they're cheaping out, which doesn't sound like a team that traded for the Gomez contract. Then again, that may be why.

But I have to admit, it does take a lot of balls from Gauthier to pull something like this, especially when he knew the fan base would be calling for his head shortly thereafter. But has Price's value diminished so much on the open market that they had to resort to this move? Almost everyone in the hockey world agreed that he needed the ol' "fresh start" to get his career, his game, and his head back in order. Were there really no takers for him?

And the return? Lars Eller better be the next Niklas Backstrom in order to put out that fire in Montreal. For Christ's sake he's a Dane! When's the last time you heard of a quality hockey product coming out of Denmark? Jannik Hansen? Really?

And now the Blues look like a playoff contender, although I'm not sure how credible that makes them, upgrading from Mason to Halak. They also grabbed TJ Hensick from the Avs making it the busiest day in Blues history in the last decade. Or two.

Potential Suspects?

Kaberle is the usual suspect, this time he's linked to a swap with Marc Savard. Boston's got a glut of centers and just dished their puck mover in Wideman. Savard would salivate already rabid Leaf fans linking him back up with Kessel.

Mike Ribeiro is a fuck, and nobody wants him on their team. Well somebody might, but apparently its not Dallas according to EJ Hradek who's been known to be overly filled with shit.

Spezza to the Blue Jackets is the hot rumor that makes too much sense to happen. Nash needs someone to dish him the puck, Spezza needs out of Ottawa (who doesn't?). Murray's too stubborn to allow another diva demand a trade and get what he wants, and Howson's too inept to actually make something happen.

And I laugh sinisterly from my chair in the basement...

Blackhawk Roster Thoughts

And the inevitable has happened. Despite all the questioning of goaltending, the depth, the drive, and the chemistry proved to be the right formula. The revitalized Blackhawks organization has brought home the ultimate prize, if only for one year. The championship winning roster pushed up to the cap and then some, and now there is some value engineering to be done. Just some thoughts on the key (and not so key) members of this lineup...

Jonathan Toews - The new Sidney Crosby (Thank Christ). Think about the year he's had... An Olympic Gold Medal and named the tournament's best forward, then accepting the Stanley Cup as Captain and the hands down winner of the Conn Smythe. And he's already won a World Championship (and a Junior Championship) to become the youngest member of the elusive Triple Gold Club. That's pretty motherfuckin' impressive. That's not being in the right place at the right time, that's being a major cog in the wheels that won those championships. And he's humble.

Patrick Kane - The Yang to Toews Yin. While the kid's got a nose for the net, he's not even close to the vicinity of the complete player that Toews is. I don't know what it is about him, maybe the arrogance, the invincibility, the God complex he carries, that makes me not want to see him succeed. Maybe I'm just hatin'.

Marian Hossa - So unable to believe that he won the Cup that he actually didn't want to take it from Toews. And now everyone's screaming "trade him!" It kinda makes sense in a salary dump/high current market value way, but that would be his fifth team in four seasons. On the other hand, he's one of the pieces you have locked up if you can get the rest of the dollars to add up. And I'm not sure who would be willing to take on that $7.9mil anchor of a contract for the next four years without a support staff already in place.

Dustin Byfuglien - Another arrogant prick. But he's big and he plays big. That is, at least when he's got future HOFer's on his line. I think of two other examples of NHL players when I think of Byfuglien... Dustin Penner, in the sense that his linemates made him better, and he'll probably sign some ridiculous offer sheet that he'll never live up without a supporting cast. And Ray Emery, that all this shit is gonna go right to his head, and make him implode.

Duncan Keith - Another humble warrior. Between Keith and Toews, this team has enough leadership for two teams. Look for that to happen in four years. My choice for the Norris despite the fact the odds are on to Doughty.

Brent Seabrook - Really surprised me as to the kind of player and defenseman he is. His spot on the Canadian roster was for real, and this duo is the best pairing in the League right now.

Andrew Ladd - Did you ever think that Ladd would be a two-time Stanley Cup winner? Now this is being in the right place at the right time.

Patrick Sharp - One of the most underrated forwards in the League. And this guy can shoot the fucking puck.

Niklas Hjalmarsson - One of the most underrated young defensemen in the League. I'd be surprised if the Bowmans' let him walk.

Kris Versteeg - In serious competition with Sean Avery as League's top douchenozzle. I have no doubt the rest of this team will have no problem saying goodbye to this cum stain.

Antti Niemi - If you had to guess which Finnish goaltender between Kiprusoff, Backstrom, and Niemi would win the Cup first, would anyone have the balls to give any thought to Niemi? Its funny despite him getting a ring for the Blackhawks, I'll still don't see him as their long-term goaltender. It'll be interesting to see how the perspective on him in the hockey world will change next year (i.e. Cam Ward).

Cristobal Huet - Have you ever seen a cleaner set of pads for a Stanley Cup picture before? This guy winning a Stanley Cup is an insult. If they have to remove someone else's name to fit Dale Tallon's on, I petition that it should be Huet's.

Brian Campbell - Had his lowest season point totals since his first few years with the Sabres, and his lowest postseason point total ever despite playing in 19 games. This is not the same Brian Campbell that we once knew. He still skates through the neutral zone with the greatest of ease, but there's something about his game that's dramatically different.

Tomas Kopecky - Next to Adam Burrish and Ben Eager, the most useless part of this team.

Book It?

Is it safe to say that whoever wins a Game 5 after the teams are knotted at two is the eventual winner?

I don't have the answer, or feel like doing the research, but that's what I'm thinking.

And Arby's.